THEM: A Night in Hell

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Permalink Reply by Liquid on October 29, 2009 at 10:51am

Is it about giant ants?

Permalink Reply by Straith on October 29, 2009 at 5:06pm

...no...it's a demon story, basically, is that a joke, or are u saying the story isn't good, or the title sucks, or what exactly are you saying?

Liquid said:

Is it about giant ants?

Permalink Reply by thetwitchycamel on October 29, 2009 at 7:41pm

THEM! is an old movie about giant ants: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0047573/

Permalink Reply by Liquid on October 29, 2009 at 7:57pm

Ah, yeah. Just teasing a bit. Them is a brilliant movie. I recommend it to everyone.

Permalink Reply by thetwitchycamel on October 29, 2009 at 8:11pm

Dang. Sorry, Straith, I just spent 20 minutes typing up a review of your story, and lost it because of my stupid internet. So here's the shorter, less eloquent version:

Basically, I liked it, but there are some things that could use work.
There were some spelling and grammar mistakes, which made it hard to understand what was going on in some sections.
The multiple 1st person POVs was cool, but a little disorienting at first. Maybe you could make that a bit clearer?
The F word: I have never found an instance in which it is appropriate, but that is just a personal preference. However, since you only used it once and didn't have any other "foul" language, I don't really see why you put it in there.
Is it finished? I kind of feel like there is more to be said. (For instance, why couldn't Elaine see Chad? What plans? How could the girl ruin them? etc.)

But I did like it. There were some chilling moments, a good theme, and it kept me entertained throughout. Keep it up!

Permalink Reply by Straith on October 30, 2009 at 5:24am

Thanks for the review, ad Liquid I just didn't know about that movie lol, sorry.

So, thetwitchycamel, about the curse word. Emery isn't a Christian, although he turned into one at the end (accepting Christ into his heart). Emery use to curse a whole lot until he started to hang around Samuel, and since it bothers him he stopped. You didn't see that because this is a short story, and I didn't show it...but it did happen in his life.

So you liked the multiple POV's? Yes! Maybe the story didn't lie to me like I thought...but yea, there maybe a way to make it clear...somehow. And this story is finished, yes, although I could add some scenes when I go to edit it. However THEM is not. Notice the 12 that I used to break the scenes? That is the number of THEM...how many demons are in this legion. And there are also many smaller demons who worship THEM, like the little girl demon in this story, so I can quite literally keep THEM going for a long time. And the reason Elaine couldn't see Chad was because of that white gaze over her eyes, and she was not "killed" in the traditional sense, but her soul was gone and the demon possessed her body -- in an attempt to keep the good kids in the place all night. If THEM can't have the children of the light, then THEM wants them scared so maybe they loose their faith.

Anyway I gatta go...thanks for the review!!

thetwitchycamel said:

Dang. Sorry, Straith, I just spent 20 minutes typing up a review of your story, and lost it because of my stupid internet. So here's the shorter, less eloquent version:

Basically, I liked it, but there are some things that could use work.
There were some spelling and grammar mistakes, which made it hard to understand what was going on in some sections.
The multiple 1st person POVs was cool, but a little disorienting at first. Maybe you could make that a bit clearer?
The F word: I have never found an instance in which it is appropriate, but that is just a personal preference. However, since you only used it once and didn't have any other "foul" language, I don't really see why you put it in there.
Is it finished? I kind of feel like there is more to be said. (For instance, why couldn't Elaine see Chad? What plans? How could the girl ruin them? etc.)

But I did like it. There were some chilling moments, a good theme, and it kept me entertained throughout. Keep it up!

Permalink Reply by Modservant on November 1, 2009 at 9:01pm

Hi Straith. We have guidelines for posting original works (enacted back in March). Please read them here:

http://thecircle.teddekker.com/forum/topics/official-circle-works

In the Official Circle Works thread, you can post a link to your work, but not here in this thread. I'm locking this. You may repost in the correct thread.

Thanks and peace.