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The official online community of New York Times best-selling author Ted Dekker.
Recovering Fundamentalists
I'm looking for stories of people like you, or those you know, who were at one time involved in an authoritarian Christian faith (perhaps abusive) but lived to tell about it. I do not want to hear from the plethora of now atheists who I've just discovered through googling have a ton of websites and blogs--I've seen enough of that today while researching for my 09 NaNo.
I want to hear stories from people who really were steeped in rules and off the wall unbiblical stuff in the name of God who came out of it and who now live a full Christian life. How does one survive the shunning, the "you're going to hell for sure" talk because you no longer subscribe to their errant doctrine?
It seems people migrate to extremes. They are either gung ho fundies or proud atheists. Where are the Christians who grew up in these ultra right wing, rule-oriented, oppressive denominations and then decided not to leave the faith all together but only that version of faith?
How did you (or the person you know) do it? Did you suffer repercussions? Did you need counseling? What kind of church do you go to now? Tell your story. I'm interested to hear.
I want to hear stories from people who really were steeped in rules and off the wall unbiblical stuff in the name of God who came out of it and who now live a full Christian life. How does one survive the shunning, the "you're going to hell for sure" talk because you no longer subscribe to their errant doctrine?
It seems people migrate to extremes. They are either gung ho fundies or proud atheists. Where are the Christians who grew up in these ultra right wing, rule-oriented, oppressive denominations and then decided not to leave the faith all together but only that version of faith?
How did you (or the person you know) do it? Did you suffer repercussions? Did you need counseling? What kind of church do you go to now? Tell your story. I'm interested to hear.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by KC on -
Haha. You already know that I don't believe you're really an atheist. But I'll let you believe it for now.
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Permalink Reply by TC_2 on -
I'm one -- but my story is not for the public forum.
Background: Born into the largest Mennonite Brethern church on the west coast in a small farming town in central California. Sheltered -- sequestered -- and very denominational with their own private schools -- all the way through university.
But then most of my story has been in snippits on this board.
How did you do it? By a direct encounter with God.
Did you suffer repercussions? Many throughout the years.
Did you need counseling? Hahahaha -- my counselor was / is a 'recovering' Mennonite as well.
What kind of church do you go to now? The Church that God leads us to -- everyday -- fellowship with other believers. As to Sunday services -- none.
Tell your story. I'm interested to hear. If you want to ask more questions of me -- email me.
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Permalink Reply by KC on
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My grandparents were Mennonite (in Canada), but I think there is a distinction between such and the Mennonite Brethren you are talking about. While very strict, I don't know if they would be labeled as fundamental.
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Permalink Reply by living sacrifice on -
There are different groups of Mennonites. I had some in my school in Pennsylvania who weren't strict on anything at all. I had others who wore only dresses and pants, wore caps over their hair all the time, and were never allowed to watch TV unless it was something in the classroom. But the ones I knew had such sweet hearts. I know that many of them worked through how to witness to people while making it clear that what they do is only personal conviction and not necessary to live a life after Christ.
Anyway, I know tons of stories about people like that. Some of them were true followers of Christ who lived and even pastored in those sort of environments for years before they saw that the hypocrisy, legalism, and a million other issues were not only hindering the church, but killing the work of Christ. Some of them came out to personal freedom while still going to the same church. Others of them were pastors who had to leave the denomination entirely and go to the other side of the Christian spectrum. There were those like my mom who started out growing up in legalistic environments and then lived a double life between partying with friends and being a good church girl until they realized there was something more.
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Permalink Reply by Yediyd on -
I suppose I've had two of these experiences.
The first was as a "baby" Christian. I started going to church and gave my life to Jesus when I was 12 (for lack of a definite point in time to point to). One of their big things was: if you weren't baptized by immersion after "the age of accountability", you were not saved and were going to hell. It was mainly brought up in youth group (so my parents never knew about it). And they talked about it more once they heard I'd gone (with my parents) to a Lutheran Bible camp.
"You know, Lutherans aren't saved. They're all going to hell." And they'd lead me through verses about baptism and how now everyone who says, "Lord, Lord" is saved.
And off and on for a year or two, I'd argue along with them, that you had to be baptized. But my family kept going back to the Lutheran Bible camp.
I finally sat down with God's word to see what He had to say about the matter -- what was important to Him. And for the next year or two, they kept trying to convince me otherwise. When I started going to another church's youth group (which was on a different night), they basically harassed me about that too. But the harassment stopped when I stopped going to that church. heh
And then I spent 6 years at a well-meaning but works based church -- evangelize, get people saved, disciple people, spend an hour with the Lord every morning, go to life group, go to prayer shields... not that any of it was bad. It's just what you had to do to be a good Christian.
I wasn't shunned, but always felt like I was less than, because I couldn't perform up to standards. I survived because I had a couple friends there, and people elsewhere who I knew really loved me, and just complete confidence in God to bring me through, no matter how "long" it took.
I'm still facing repercussions of the latest. I may still need counseling. I don't go to church. :P
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Permalink Reply by Zoe on -
I don't think all fundamentalist churches are what you described in your first post . . . perhaps it would be better to find a different term? I thought I was a recovering fundamentalist but then I read your post and realized I've never been abused or hindered by a legalistic or authoritarian system.
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Permalink Reply by KC on
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Perhaps you are a recovering legalist? They are two different things to me. Fundies are more wacko than your run of the mill legalistic church. Or at least, that's my view.
'Course, some of the ex-fundies label people fundamentalists if they 1) believe in the inerrancy of scripture 2) believe Jesus died, rose, and is coming again 3) and a few other things, most of which I believe. However, I don't consider myself a fundamentalist either. There were no strict rules imposed on me in any of the churches I attended. I wasn't attacked or anything. Made to feel guilty, maybe.
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Permalink Reply by Blaze19D on -
i can relate, to a degree. my sister and her husband got into the whole deliverance thing. they would have "exorcisms", they would burn things that were "anti-God" they went to extremes like burning their sons superman movie because my sister said superman is a mockery of Christ. their children have no formal education and that is very clear on their facebook pages, which im surprised they have. their kids dont know anything about the outside world, and have no understanding of it. when the time comes for them to enter it, they'll be clueless and get eaten alive. it is a very controlling enviroment, my sister is Jezabel reincarnated. she wants control over everything and everyone. they have a small "church" going now, though i would call it more of a cult. it seems that its fairly easy to be decieved these days. she put me through all kinds of crap, rediculous things you wouldnt believe. i went along, hoping i could get out, my plan worked to an extent, not the exact results i wanted, but at least i got out. anyway, there's much more to it, and im not a fan of gigantic posts, so get in touch with me.
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Permalink Reply by Adira on -
I never can decide if my family falls under these sort of things or not. I lived under my fair share of abuse, but only some of it was in the name of God when I was a child. The "name of God" ordeal came up when I hit my mid teens.
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Permalink Reply by KC on
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Yes, I do remember reading that. I don't usually trust Wikipedia, but that seems right.
I don't think the last four are things that even more moderate Christians would debate, though liberal ones, certainly (my N.T. professor in college--a Baptist college--for example). Where the fundamentalists go wrong is in the way they hold up scripture to be the end all of everything. Don't get me wrong, I believe every word in the Word is true, but I don't believe it holds all truth. Even John says he didn't write about everything Jesus did, because it would take too many books, and his works and teachings were surely full of truth. That's also why we have the Holy Spirit. To lead us into all truth. We wouldn't need the Spirit if we had all truth in the bible and we could discern it for ourselves.
That said, the strict fundamentalists that I'm talking about leave no room for the Holy Spirit in the life of believers. Pastors and other leaders seek to take that role away from the lay person, either in order to gain control, or to produce nice little Christians. This is always detrimental, and I'm just wondering the effects of this on people and what can we do about it?
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